Can't Go Home Again

'You don't need his money.'

"No, I don't.'

'You don't need to return to the morass.'

'The emotional stuff? No, I don't.'

'You seem more relaxed, more independent, happier since you walked away.'

'Yes, I think you're right.'

'Then, why do you want to return?'

"I don't.'

'Mom, watsup? Why are you doing this? How come you have him convinced that you want to return to Claymore?'

'I'm not sure. Kind of like it was initially. I knew I didn't want to marry, but his tears – I couldn't handle his tears, his disappointment. So, I went through with the wedding. Probably thought that if I didn't get married then, I never would.'

'Mom, that's stupid. You've never told me that story before.'

'Well, I've told it to a lot of others. Just never wanted to share that part with you kids.'

'Don't go back. Don't do this to yourself. I love my dad and I love you, but I know that together the two of you are awful. It's painful to watch both of you do that silly dance, that emotional dependency stuff.'

'Yep. I'm lonely, Synthia. Maybe I'll feel less lonely if I go back to Claymore. That's where everyone whose ever been anyone in my life exists these days.'

'You miss Gerald, I know. But dad can never replace him.'

'I know. I also know that being alone is not particularly good for me.'
Getting out of bed in the morning seems pointless these days.'

'Mom, travel, write, teach, write some more, but don't go back to Telegraph Road. Just not worth it.'

'Why do you care so much Synthia? What difference does it make?'

'Massive difference. I want you to be happy. I've always wanted you to be happy. This is an awful idea. You're not going to be able to stay.
I just know it.

'Ah, you're afraid I'll leave him again and you'll have to pick up the pieces. Well, you may be right. I'm not so sure I could actually live in the same house with him. I know I could never sleep in the same bed.'

'Well, that's no problem. It's been years since he slept in a bed – in any bed.'

'That's what I was thinking.'

'Mom, I'll come to Nebraska – will that help?'

'You would? You'd come here for a while? That would be great. I want to fly to Nova Scotia. Never been there. Wanna come along?'

'Yep, school is out in two weeks. Can you last that long? I'll make reservations.'

'Yeah. It'll take me that long to get the house ready. I'll give you my credit card number to pay for half the ticket. Can we go to Montreal? I love that city, the old town.'

'See, you just want someone to travel with. And dad is the worst person ever for that. Get the house ready. I'll buy a ticket and see you in maybe three weeks. You can make plans for us. I love you, mom. Give up on the idea of returning to Claymore. It's a bad idea. Mike and Tandy agree with me. We all thought you'd lost your mind.'

'Do you think they would come to visit, too? I think I could handle the loneliness if each of you were to spend a little time here. I miss Gerald so much.'

'I know. I really do. But, mom, you can't go home again. You know that. '

'Yes, I suppose I do.'

'Talk with you later tonight. I'll have some info on my arrival. We agree then, that you'll call dad and tell him now that you've changed your mind?'

'Yep. I'll call right away. Poor old man. He's gonna be upset.'

'He'd be more upset three weeks from now when you walked out again. Call him. I'll talk to you in a few hours.'

'Bye'

'Bye. Love you.'